


my fingers tap into what you were once

by ohprongs



Series: canon(ish) fics [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x07 How Are Thou Fallen spoilers, Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, Healthy Communication, Kissing, M/M, buut also, discussion of sex, everyone and their mother will write this scene but this is my take on it, imagine like...turning off the canon road then rejoining it a mile or two later, overcoming internalised homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 09:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9716450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohprongs/pseuds/ohprongs
Summary: “Magnus,” Alec says softly, moving closer to him, “you have nothing to worry about. I promise.” He swallows and Magnus traces the line of Alec’s throat with his eyes. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”Magnus inhales. “Let’s just slow things down a moment,” he suggests, taking Alec’s hand. "We should talk."





	

**Author's Note:**

> watching 2x07 kinda left me in a weird place emotionally so. i shouldn't have written this (kick my ass and tell me to do my dissertation!!) but i did. it's a replacement for the final scene, ending in the same place, rather than a like, a coda - it's not meant to extend the scene to show magnus and alec actually having sex, but it fleshes out their initial interaction. anyway, major spoilers for 2x07 ahead!
> 
> title from _whispers in the dark_ by mumford + sons

Magnus is just heading through to the kitchen when he hears a knock at the door. He strolls over to open it and is greeted with Alec, who lets himself in and starts taking off his jacket almost before Magnus can greet him.

“Jace here?” Alec asks, unceremoniously dumping his jacket on the side.

“No, he left hours ago,” Magnus tells him. “Are you okay -?”

The words get muffled by Alec, who cups Magnus’ face between his hands and kisses him. Magnus lets out a noise of surprise and his hands come up to rest on Alec’s shoulders as Alec walks them backwards.

“Mm,” Magnus laughs, breaking away from the kiss. He leaves his hands on Alec, stroking them gently over the material of his sweater. “Hey, what’s all this about?” Alec looks at him, breathing heavily, the smallest crease appearing in his forehead. “I mean, not that I’m complaining," he adds, "but…”

Alec catches his breath. “I - I just thought…” he begins, half-smiling around the words, “you know, I thought we could - take the next step.”

Magnus lets out a noise of realisation. “The sex step,” he says. 

“Yeah,” Alec confirms.

Magnus lets out a short breath and glances down, working words over in his mouth. His fingers pet almost absently over Alec’s chest. “Alexander,” he begins, “I may be experienced, but…” he trails off, wondering how best to express himself. Alec is frowning slightly at him now. “It’s rare that I’ve ever felt this way about someone, and I worry that once we -” Magnus lets his hands drop and turns away, giving himself a moment. “That if we rush into this, that…I may lose you.”

“What?” Alec asks immediately. “Why would you think that?”

Magnus shakes his head, almost to himself. A thousand memories flow unbidden through his mind and he wants it to be different with Alec so badly he almost aches. “Look…” he tries, "you’re not the only one who feels vulnerable.”

“Magnus,” Alec says softly, moving closer to him, “you have nothing to worry about. I promise.” He swallows and Magnus traces the line of Alec’s throat with his eyes. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” 

Magnus inhales. “Let’s just slow things down a moment,” he suggests, taking Alec’s hand. "We should talk."

Alec nods and follows him to one of the couches. Magnus drapes his hand over the back of the couch and rests his fingers lightly on Alec’s shoulder; Alec sits facing forward with his elbows on his knees.

“How did you get here?” Magnus asks easily, a conversational offering. Alec glances sideways at him, then shrugs a little.

“I’ve been wondering about it for a while,” he says, hands, as often, in motion in the air. “I know I’m...inexperienced, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. Izzy said I should go for whatever makes me happy and…” Alec sighs, leans back against the cushions. He tugs Magnus’ arm around him. “I think having sex with you - in whatever, you know, way - would make me happy. But, Magnus, only if  _you_  want to."

Magnus nods. Some of his doubt melts away - it sounds like Alec isn’t just going to leave once the heat of the moment has died down - and he relaxes slightly.

“I want to, very much,” he says honestly. He tilts his head. “Alec, sex means different things to different people - it can mean different things to the same person, even, in different situations. I’ve lived a long time and to me it’s meant an infinite range of things, from a physical release to an expression of love. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page with this, I suppose.” 

Alec looks at him, head resting on the couch cushion, and Magnus can’t look away.

"What I said before…” Magnus shakes his head. Alec reaches across and takes Magnus’ hand in his own. "I care very deeply about you, Alexander. If we take this next step, it wouldn’t just be physical for me. I’m…” he bites off on saying he’s afraid, that he’s terrified of Alec’s ability to splinter his heart and make Magnus calcify for the rest of eternity. “I wonder if it might be a little overwhelming."

“I get it,” Alec says after a pause. “I mean, maybe not for the same reasons, but -” He shrugs against the cushions, thumb trailing patterns on Magnus’ hand. “I spent so long thinking I wouldn’t be able to have any of this, and now I - I might have it. It’s kinda…it’s a lot.” He meets Magnus’ gaze. “In a good way, I think.”

Magnus nods, his throat suddenly heavy with emotion. “Like you’re standing on a cliff’s edge and hoping someone will be there at the bottom to catch you.”

Alec nods, then ducks his head, and Magnus sees the flash of the smile he’s trying to hide. 

“Sorry,” Alec says, and he almost sounds it. Magnus nudges him with his elbow in an effort to make him talk. “I was just - I get what you’re saying. But that would - even if you managed to be in the right place to catch them, you’d be crushed on impact. So it doesn’t really - what?”

Magnus only just hears Alec’s question over his laughter, spilling out of him before he can stop it. The bemused smile on Alec’s face only sets him off harder, and before he knows it there are tears in his eyes.

“Only you, Alexander,” he tells him fondly, still laughing around the edges.

Alec waits until Magnus’ laughter has died down before speaking again. “I’d let myself be crushed by you.” 

One look at the impish grin on Alec’s face sets Magnus into laughter again, and Alec laughs along with him. 

“Shh,” Alec protests, though he’s giggling through it, “I was being romantic!”

By the time they both get their breath back Alec is curling into Magnus, gripping his tummy and moaning slightly. Magnus is fairly sure he’s cried off all his eyeliner, but seeing Alec so happy more than makes up for it and Magnus pulls Alec closer.

Alec wraps his arms around Magnus’ waist, pillowing his head on Magnus’ chest, and they kick their legs up onto the couch, tangling them together.

“I don’t think it would be just physical for me,” Alec murmurs, a little later. They’re just laying together, cuddling in the evening quiet of the loft, without any interruptions. “I mean, I don’t really have anything to compare it to. But - I really like you, Magnus.”

Magnus’ heart skips and he feels happy and like crying all at once. “I really like you too,” he says. Alec makes a pleased noise and burrows against Magnus’ chest, his hair tickling the underside of Magnus’ chin.

After a while, Alec's warm breaths against Magnus' neck become a press of his lips, gentle searching kisses that set Magnus' pulse skittering pleasantly.

"Is this okay?" Alec asks against his skin.

Magnus doesn't mean his voice to be so breathless or low when he manages, "yes, more than."

He can't see Alec's face but he's fairly sure he's not just imagining a pleased smile. It's incredible how much this boy can wreck him with a simple touch.

Magnus runs a hand through Alec's hair and tugs him upwards. Alec props himself up on his elbows, hovering over Magnus, and he's smiling as Magnus pushes up to kiss him. 

Alec's hands trail along Magnus' jaw, cupping his face, a softer mimicry of his intense passion when he'd arrived. Magnus winds his fingers through Alec's hair again, tugging lightly when Alec nibbles on Magnus' lip. 

"Should we move this to my bedroom?" Magnus asks, playing with the hair at the nape of Alec's neck.

Alec swallows a couple of times, nodding. His voice is luxuriously deep when he speaks. "Are you sure you want to?" he asks.

Magnus nods. "I would like to take it slow to start with," he answers, "but, yes, I want to."

Alec glances down. "I, uh. I think I should warn you that - I won't really know what I'm doing."

Magnus smiles softly at him, running his thumb over Alec's bottom lip. "We can figure it out together," he promises. "I meant it when I said I don't care how many people you haven't been with."

Alec nods and smiles, leaning in again to give Magnus a brief kiss. Magnus makes a low noise, a hum of contentment, and leans his head back on the arm of the couch.

"So, you said you'd thought about this," Magnus prompts. "What did you have in mind?"

Magnus notices Alec's gaze doesn't stray from his lips.

"I want to touch you," Alec says. 

"Well, then," says Magnus, pushing Alec back gently and sitting up, "I'm all yours." He wonders if Alec knows how deep the truth of that statement runs.

Alec looks at him, a slow smile spreading across his face. He stands up, crowding close to Magnus, so much that they're almost chest to chest. "Show me," he says.

"Yeah?" Magnus asks. Alec nods, beginning to walk them backwards. His hands come up and start undoing Magnus' shirt buttons.

"Yeah," he says, still grinning. Magnus curls his hands around Alec's waist and pulls him closer. They're kissing as they stumble over the threshold into Magnus' bedroom, and he can't help thinking,  _finally, this might be it_.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [tumblr](http://lightwoodlesbians.tumblr.com) :)


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